Alumni

Class of 72! Class of 72!
I bring anniversary greetings to you,
In Edwardian splendour that makes one’s heart swell –
Peebles’ magnificent Hydro hotel.

A spa in the Borders which fills us with vigour!
Midway between Newtown St Boswells and Biggar,
We’re taking the waters; we’re feeling the need
To whip off our wellies and jump in the Tweed.

But “Hydro” today, in 2012 version,
Need not necessitate total immersion:
The Salon will give you a Sculpted Detox
Which doesn’t require you to take off your socks.

So what better venue for this celebration,
Forty years on from your first graduation!
The Alpha Club, with its mature alpha males
And alpha-plus females, and traveller’s tales.

I hope you won’t think, “This is bang out of order!
Inviting a poet from south of the border!!”
After all, Glasgow doctors migrate everywhere,
Providing us English with consummate care.

When I was a child and I came out in spots,
The neighbours said: “Send for a doctor who’s Scots!”
And my mother said, “Yes, but my boy needs the best,
So find a Scots doctor who comes from the west!”

In England, like many an overseas nation,
Medicine’s been blessed by a Scots infiltration:
All over the world, Glasgow answered the call;
From Australia, Canada – even Whitehall.

Once, CMOs came from the banks of the Isis
But Oxonians aren’t at their best in a crisis.
If you want a cool head that’s been tested and tried,
You need someone brought up on the banks of the Clyde.

Glasgow’s medical A-list goes all the way back
To Lister and Cullen and Hunter and Black,
But as well as those chaps with a talent to cure,
Her doctors were giants of literature.

Dr Smollett wrote books that achieved lasting fame;
James Bridie wrote plays (though that’s not his real name),
But the one best remembered by people like me
Is the man who put Tannochbrae onto TV.

Back in the 60s the whole student body
Would watch Doctors Cameron, Finlay and Snoddie,
And all over Britain the viewers would say:
“Aye Janet! – – Kippers for breakfast today?”

What an influence Glasgow has had on the nation;
Producing advances that caused a sensation,
Like the coma scale published in ‘74
(Which you missed, for you’d left only two years before).

Let me tell you: it’s been tremendous success,
Used in A&Es throughout the whole NHS
To distinguish between the decorticate state
And the after-effects of a seven-hour wait.

There was ultrasound scanning in ’72:
Ian Donald creating a womb with a view.
Today, probes are much smaller, and where they can go
You wouldn’t believe, and you don’t want to know.

Yes ’72 was the finest of years,
Imbued with the spirit of Scots pioneers!
How lucky you were to experience this,
And how nice to meet up for a good reminisce.

But you’re all very modest about things that you’ve done:
You say, “Oh, all we wanted to do was have fun!
We did a few clinics, some administration –
But nothing to justify revalidation”.

Now, you and I know there’s more to it than that.
You Scots, with achievements kept under your hat!
You run practices, hospitals, countries and then
You quietly retire to your wee but and ben.

But this morning a few of you shyly revealed
What you’ve recently done in the medical field:
The lessons you’ve learned and the rigours you’ve faced –
Six talks that were totally evidence-based.

Chopping up seals in the chilly Antarctic,
A long way from Kelvingrove, Govan or Partick;
Braving the gales and the frost-bitten hands
To amass a collection of pineal glands.

Or enduring an earthquake! I should just hate
To live on the edge of a tectonic plate:
Though the fault line in Peebles is currently stable,
I’m planning to spend the night under the table.

Sir Kenneth looked back with a lightness of touch
At selected cartoons that can teach us so much,
From a flying receptionist out on the loose
To a reflex involving a flying papoose.

After coffee came Stefan’s superb contribution,
Which fleetingly touched upon hair distribution:
On the Wirral there isn’t a chance in a million
Of finding a lady without a Brazilian.

Frank told us how sport is a medical menace:
I really must think about giving up tennis,
For I do get an extra-ventricular run,
At the thought of a set with Miss Joan Hunter-Dunn.

Lastly, Bill gave a well-researched, thoughtful surmise
On exactly why bonking is bad for the eyes:
If you’re tempted to romp with a beautiful mover,
Try to avoid the Valsalva manoeuvre.

What a lovely reunion, I’m sure you’ll agree!
I’m delighted the duty has fallen to me
Of proposing this toast, on behalf of your guests,
To the class that must be Glasgow’s brightest and best.

Here’s a toast to you all – and especially to Brian
Who made it all happen without really tryin’:
To all Glasgow graduates, but mainly to you –
Good health, and God Bless, Class of ’72.

Chilling images and statistics of the Christchurch earthquake – 2011.

A short glimpse into the world of Google Statistics gleaned from the alpha club site.

Download it here: Residing in Marbella